Look for the light
This post was inspired by an oracle card I drew this morning as I sat down to write. The card (Sacred Pool from Colette Baron-Reid’s The Enchanted Map deck) read “The world is a reflection of your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Embody the love you wish to see in the world.” For those of you who already follow what I do, you know that this is very much aligned with my own philosophy. It is always a good reminder, though.
We are often caught up in focusing on and fixing problems whether within ourselves, in our partners and families, in our businesses. And thus, much of our thinking and conversation is focused on what is NOT working well. Though the intention behind this is to address the issue at hand, what many of us don’t realize is that these very thoughts are perpetuating our experience of lack, frustration, stress.
For example, suppose your partner leaves the peanut butter spoon in the sink and you come across it. When you see it, you think “how many times do I have to ask him to rinse it off and put it in the dishwasher?” You feel frustration, resentment, and maybe a tinge of loneliness. You make up a story that your needs aren’t important to your partner. And this hurt primes you to judge your partner “What a slob! Who does that?” You storm into the next room with the spoon in your hand and angrily say to your partner “Is this yours?” Your partner defends himself with an eye roll indicating you’re being too nitpicky. “It’s just a spoon. What’s the big deal?” he says. You shut down while silently hating him for dismissing you. Does this sound familiar? What are these thoughts, feelings, and words doing to your body? Or your partner’s body? How do they affect your kids? Or other people you interact with? How do these thoughts, feelings, and words ripple out into the rest of the day?
What if instead, you see the peanut butter spoon in the sink. You notice some frustration and take a deep breath. Instead of focusing on what you don’t like or what’s bothering you, you get curious about what you want to have happen instead. As you do this, start to feel into how good it feels when your partner DOES remember to put things in the dishwasher. From this space, you say to your partner “Honey, I feel so loved and cared for when I come home and the kitchen is clean and the sink is empty. Can you prioritize this this week?” Your partner responds and says “I’m sorry I left the spoon in the sink. Thank you so much for addressing it in such a kind way. I will really work on remembering.” You feel seen and heard and can move on feeling open and connected.
Today I want to invite you to play with focusing on the light and inherent value in and around you. When you’re out and about, play with genuinely connect with strangers you come into contact with, maybe by giving a genuine smile or asking how their day is going (and really wanting to hear). Spend some time outside, taking in the sunshine, the cool breeze, the crinkle of the fall leaves. Take a moment to tune into what you love and appreciate about yourself or your loved ones and then express that appreciation. In your free time, check in with yourself to see what really lights you up, brings you joy and follow that, letting go of the need to be productive or efficient.
When you get triggered (like in the above scenario) and can’t connect to your sense of love or light in that moment, take a deep breath or several. Step outside. Tune into something that helps you get connected to your loving, curious heart. Ask yourself some questions that prime you to shift your focus, e.g., “What do I need right now?” or “what would really feel good in this moment?” And follow that. Or if you can’t tend to that need or do what feels good, simply taking in the image and thought with all of your senses is powerful as far as shifting your energetic state. Suspend the part of your brain that wants to stay stuck in the lack or frustration around not having what you need.
Whether we are seeing the light and value in others or ourselves, we are spreading this energy and making it more accessible for others. The more we can be in the vibration of love and appreciation, the more we give this energy to the planet AND the more we receive this energy. We are not separate. This goes for the reverse too. So be mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and words—you are not only affecting yourself. That said, be gentle and compassionate with yourself. We all get triggered, we all slip into old pain patterns. Our work here is to build our capacity to get out of these patterns and return to love. And in doing so, we are doing our part to spread more love and light in the world.